Who Needs Commitment When You Have Reality?

by Tim Ray

Sometimes people who read my questioning of our collective relationship myths ask me: “But Tim, what about ‘commitment’? What about making promises and keeping them? What about having agreements and plans for the future?”

When people say this, what comes to mind is: “Who needs ‘commitment’ when you have reality?”

Just think about it for a moment and tell me honestly – how likely is it that you and your beloved are going to stop being together if you’re a really good match, best friends, talk constantly about everything and just love hanging out with each other?

Not very likely, right?

And conversely, how likely is it that you and your partner – even though you’re ‘committed’ to being together until death do you part – will stay together forever if you’re bored to death in each other’s company, can’t really talk about what’s important, and in fact can’t stand each other?

Not very likely, right?

“But,” you may say, “does this mean that two people can’t promise each other that they’ll stay together for the rest of their lives and never ever be together with anyone else? Does this mean that they can’t do all this promising in a special building called the House of God with one of them dressed in a long, white gown while the other wears a black tuxedo and both are overseen by a third person in a white collar who reads solemn-sounding words from a book that is several thousand years old while their family and friends stand by and watch?”

And of course the answer is you can! But if we get a tiny bit real about it all, we have to admit that it’s just a tad absurd because everyone in this great building (including the solemn person in the white collar with the big book which is several thousand years old) knows perfectly well what the reality is: Namely that regardless of what these two people solemnly swear, they will stay together until they no longer stay together!

And that’s reality.

And that reality may be a month, a year, or even 10 years. Or even the rest of their lives. But standing there in the House of God, nobody knows for sure. And again, that’s reality.

In one sense having a wedding is just as absurd as if you and your best friend throw a big party and invite everyone you know and then solemnly swear in front of the whole crowd that the two of you will continue being best friends until death do you part! It would probably be a great party, but as for the rest…

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