What Men and Women Really Want in Love, and How to Get It

By Marcia Sirota

Getting our needs met in our romantic relationship is not as difficult as we might think. It’s as simple as becoming aware of three crucial factors: one, men and women are different and what we want from our partner isn’t necessarily what they want from us. Two, men and women have different ways of communicating and we have to tailor how we express ourselves to suit these differences.

Three, it all comes down to the right choice of partner. We can understand the differences between the sexes and express our needs and feelings in a way that they can hear us, but if our partner is incapable of being loving, responsive and respectful it’s moot. Not only do we have to recognize the difference between men and women; we also need to see that there are some men and some women who simply aren’t suitable partner-material.

What do men really want in a relationship? They want to feel useful, and appreciated for what they have to offer a woman. They want to give her things and to solve problems successfully. They need the woman they’re with to make them feel good about themselves; they want to be desired as a man and respected for their accomplishments whether at home or in the world.

What men don’t want is to feel shamed or belittled. A woman who makes a man feel small doesn’t realize what a cardinal sin she’s committing. Men also hate to feel controlled; they want to feel like they’ve come to a decision on their own. Men despise being nagged and will tune a woman out if they feel that she’s continually harping on a subject.

Women, on the other hand, want to be listened to and understood. It’s important that the man tries to make us happy. He should be interested in and sensitive to our needs and feelings. He should make us feel beautiful and desirable, as well as intelligent and competent. We should get the sense that he feels lucky to have found us.

What women don’t want is to feel insecure. We want to know that our man is committed to us. We don’t like it when men too obviously check out other women or when they are overly-flirtatious. This is humiliating to us. If a man tells us that we’re neurotic because we don’t like it when they’re spending a lot of time looking at or talking to other women, this infuriates us. Whatever the man’s intentions are, we experience this behavior as disrespectful.

OM Times Magazine » syndicated